Author Archives: Sarah

Obviously, I encouraged A to write more. SO HE DID. I feel so seen. I’ve so longed for the day that a man’s first impression of me is an atheist, long-haired victim of the Salem witch trials who intimidates powerful men. Really it’s a dream come true. Unfortunately, yea – his profile is picture isContinue reading “Some men scream, “Terror””

I blurred out his preamble because it was a whole lot of irritating garbage about why he’s “not a good writer” and “don’t judge me”. Well, E, if you didn’t want to be judged, get the fuck off of online dating. That’s literally WHAT WE’RE ALL DOING HERE DUDE. So you and your thin skinContinue reading “‘Rona keeps me home”

M.F. definitely gets an A+. What delightful stanzas! Acknowledging the shitty pandemic situation we find ourselves in, as well as the absurdity of online, app-based dating. It’s quirky and well-written, with excellent rhyme scheme. Daring me to take a chance! You know what I think M.F. stands for? Maybe Fuckable. Good job M.F.

D and I actually met in person. In the above text chain, he’s referencing how we met up literally the night before our city declared all bars and restaurants go into total shut down. The place where he and I met for a drink had a few owl statues behind the bar, which I pointedContinue reading “Owls watch eyes sparkle”

Okay so I didn’t even have any time to respond to B because he unmatched from me shortly after I took this screenshot. I wondered briefly what would prompt someone to write a poem, ask for one back, and then remove any possibility of further connection. But then I remembered that his profile said heContinue reading “Thailand called…”

So this guy was reluctant to show his softer side. But M sure did deliver. His rhyme scheme and general pentameter are quite off. But from my short Hinge profile, he teased out my three best assets. I call them The Three As: athlete, activist and alcoholic. Flattery and self-deprecation will get you everywhere myContinue reading “Thoughts are overflowing”

Alright C. I see you. I really dig the opening and closing stanzas as tribute to the most basic of public health functions that will probably save your life. I do have some follow up questions about your dude Sam though. And was “ham” really the best rhyme you could come up with? Other options:Continue reading “To be or not be quarantined”